Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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