I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
