U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
