I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
