Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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