He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
