i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Go christen that room with your naked body.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
