listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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