Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
