Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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