Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
