so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
