You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize