just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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