Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
