What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
