you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
What drink are we having for lunch?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
