I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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