Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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