I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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