At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
