After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
