chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
