I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
