Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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