don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also, beer. Big fan.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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