I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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