Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
