His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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