I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
