I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
