The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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