his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
