After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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