He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
