Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
