come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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