Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
