Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
