My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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