i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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