I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
