dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it's like heaven, but drunker
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
