The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I want her autograph on my taint
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
