just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
