Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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