sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
