can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
