The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
