I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
