I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
