Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
