I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
