Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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