the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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