tell your sister to shave her snatch
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize