even my farts smell like vagina
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
