i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
