No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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