Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize