i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
