I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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