areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
