pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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