Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
