So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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