I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
