but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
