she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
