She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
