What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
