We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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