I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
