Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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