I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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