SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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