It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
