also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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