somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
