i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
