Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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