if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
