I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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