its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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