Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
