Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
