Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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