Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
