Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
