put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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