dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
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