Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
