i don't like sucking hair
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
