I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
