READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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