We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
