I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
