I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
