i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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