Just fell off a train. Bad.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
