We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
