You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize