cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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