Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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