no, he came in my armpit
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
