covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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