in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
