What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
