I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
