Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize