I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
